Monday, February 13, 2012

Heavy hearted

I started my day off broken hearted.... It is a very bittersweet day.

My granddaughter was born yesterday. Little Violet Louise came into the world about 8:10pm.
My daughter and Gdaughter are both healthy and happy. And, of course, a bit tired. :)

My Daughters baby shower was Sat. night. We went, and when we got there I could tell something was up. Something was different.

A little back ground. I had my daughter at the age of 16. I placed her for adoption at birth. It was a semi-open adoption up until a few years ago. Then it became completely open. Her family , I thought, was great at the time. Come to find out, her mom was giving her valiums anytime there was a issue, and her Dad was getting high with her. Not your typical American family. So, needless to say, she has been having issues with life. She got married last year and got pregnant soon after. I have tried to make it a point to see her at least once a month. Things have seemed to fine with her parents and I. We do her Bday parties together. Never any issues.

So, we get to the baby shower. My youngest daughter has always been referred to as C's sister. No Half, step, etc... Just Sister. Well, her mom has friends there I have never met before. She starts introducing A as C's 1/2 sister. I am just J. Usually I am , J, C's Bmom. Then after her friends left, A was called Sister again. So, I am already feeling something going on here. Then I find out that they had another baby shower for C. It was just "family". Huh? I guess, I thought thats what we were.??

So, my daughter went into labor yesterday. I wanted to be there with her so bad. I wanted to help her through labor. Be there when my gdaughter came into the world. I was not invited. I was updated here and there about her labor. I found out the birth weight on face book. I cried last night. So much. For everything I thought this was. I guess I was delusional. I don't even know.

My Mom and I chatted about this. We knew at the party there was no way I was going to be apart of the birth. C's Amom was way to threatened. There is no way I can say something or just showed up. My role in this relationship is whatever they offer. As a birthmom you are not in a position to make demands. You just have to sit there and take whatever the parents want to throw you. And, like it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can feel the pain in your words. *hugs*