Never say never

So, I am starting out from the beginning again. Looking for IP/IPs whom I connect with. See if we mesh well with each other.

I am having a positive outlook on this. Can't let this last go around get me down. :) I have been talking to a few agencies, and independently talking to IPs also.

The weather was beautiful today. I tried to get more leaves raked up. With as many leaves are around the property, I may have them picked up by the time they start falling again. LOL

Greggs 40th Bday is coming up in March. I have deceided to try and throw him a party. Am I crazy? LOL

How is life treating you?

Fini

It's over with now. I will leave it at that. I am the bad cop, as usual.

Talking to the wall?

So, I was finally contacted by both IPs on Thursday. My IF called and my IM emailed me. He is here in the states and she is back home in Australia. I emailed them telling them how hurt I was that they hadn't contacted me in over 2 wks. To even check on me to make sure I was ok. Just a simple email would of been fine.
She emailed me back stating IF was suppose to check on me. They have been busy. Yada yada yada.

I emailed her back Friday around noon. Telling them that if they want to make this work, she needs to be more involved. If this isn't possible, let me know, and we will part ways. Well, I still haven't heard from them. At this point, I just have to laugh. I don't know, I guess my idea of keeping in touch and theirs are 2 different things.

I have been contacted by a few couples so we shall see what happens. I have also been looking at trying GS again. I love TS. I love the closeness that brings 2 families together. I like not taking meds. LOL The past couples I have worked with have been amazing at keeping things as they said they would. Maybe I have pushed my luck to far. Seems my surrogacy karma is in the toilet right now.

Love to all. xoxo

No such thing as secret anymore?

You know, you think I would of learned by now. If there are things you do not want other people to know, just keep them to yourself. There are people I thought I could trust with my deepest thoughts on certain subjects. Only to hear those thoughts come from another persons mouth. Just priceless.

I am tired. Tired of trying to match again. I actually got a comment on my FB post, about my friend who had passed, from my IM. It said she was sorry. That is it. Haven't heard anything from them in 2 wks. Was stood up by my IF. I am really flabbergasted by this. I am still spotting from the MC. I would want to make sure my surro was ok. I was calling them every chance I got after we found out, to make sure they were ok. So, to feel left high and dry hurts. Just ugh. So, I am going to try and start again. Get things going.

I was just looking at a bunch of pictures of Aaron. I have been heartbroken for his family since I heard the news. Saturday his wife woke up without him. His kids woke up without him there. I went grocery shopping Sunday, and thought about them. Going to the store and realizing you don't have to buy certain things for your husband. I buy certain things for Gregg. He is the only one that will eat them. To realize that at the store would be so hard. I would probably break down in the store. Aarons memorial is this Sat. We will go. Hug our friends and makes sure each one knows how much we love them.

Life is so short. I don't want to spend my time being mad at people. I don't care about past grievances. In the big scheme of things its not going to matter anyways. Next time you think your snide comment is good for your self esteem, try and remember that everyone is going through some sort of pain. And just maybe its their bad day today.

Love to all!!! XOXOXO

Fri the 13th

Woke up today to news of a friend who died overnight in a motorcycle accident. He was hit just a couple blocks from his home. The details are sketchy at this time. Reports have him doing over 100 and not having any headlights on. Some of us have wondered if he was doing a wheelie.

So very sad. There is a news video out that shows quite a bit. It is heartbreaking to watch. I started crying watching it, and have had a hard time stopping.

Aaron was a great motorcycle rider. He could do things on bikes that I could only dream of.

Love your friends and family. Life is short.

Can we still be friends?

Since this post has attracted a lot of neg attention I will let it go.

Being a TS there are things you have to look at when matching. This may be a surrogacy but it is still my child. I am looking out for the future for these children.
If I decided I couldn't work with you, I tried to take your feelings to heart and break it off without hurting anyone. But, thats never really a easy task.

I know I have hurt some of you. I am sorry.

Monday

Well, its official. I was stood up by my IF this weekend. No call, no nothing. I talked to my IM last Tuesday. Thats the last I have heard anything. No emails, no calls.

Hmm?

I don't know what is happening with my IPs. My IF was suppose to have lunch with me this weekend. I haven't heard anything from him. I don't know if they even want to keep going.

I thought they did. But, I don't know if this MC was too much for them to handle.

Was thinking of maybe going back to GS.

Thursday

My OB called me today. I had blood work done yesterday to check my hcg #s. It has come down to 792. So, we are going the right way. Very happy to hear that.

I will start again after having another period. So, I am just waiting for this bleeding to stop and then another period.

Drs appt

Went to the Drs today. They did a US and found the baby has passed this past weekend. Nothing left in there. It was a bittersweet appt. I don't have to have a D&C now, but it was final. Almost like this was a dream.

So, I find myself at a crossroad. Which way do I go?

New year..same path?

Well my New Years hasn't started off the way I wanted it. I took off for Mexico on Friday morning, and got back yesterday afternoon. Had a great trip. Started bleeding pretty heavily on Friday. Told my husband, "If I tell you that I need to go NOW, we need to leave." Didn't want to have any complications in Mexico.
It seemed to ease up so I wasn't too worried. Just kept it under observation.

I have my Drs appt today finally. My OB will do a US and determine if I am having a D&C or not. I have no idea if the baby has passed. If you ever have had a active MC, you know there really is a mess of stuff going on. The bleeding has come in waves. I think its slowing down and then it comes right back. I am confused and have no idea of whats going to happen. I would almost just feel better if he just decides to do the D&C. So, we know.
I will be going to this appt by myself. My IM is still in Australia, and my IF is staying home. Which is fine. If I had someone going with me, I would want my IM. This is something I would prefer to have her with me. But, with her being so far away, its just not possible. Which makes me sad. It is hard to me not having someone to share this stuff with. My first 2 previous IMs were close enough that we could go have lunch, or just hang out whenever. My last IM was away, but she would come down for Drs appts. I just miss the closeness. Having International IPs is not for the faint of heart.

We got home from Mexico last night, and I was like, "no way am I cooking dinner tonight." So, I went and got Alex a pizza. Got home to drop it off and pick up Gregg so we could go eat. Realized that I couldn't find my wallet. Call the pizza place, yep they have my wallet. Go back down there , and the guy tells me that some woman tried to walk out with my wallet. So, he got it back for me. I open my wallet and my $16 is gone. Everything else is there, but my cash is missing. Don't know if it was the lady or the kid working at the pizza place. I am grateful that I didn't have to cancel everything. And, that I was able to get my stuff back. But, it irked me that someone would steal my cash. I was in shock. My luck the last couple of weeks has just not been good. We did make it back from Mexico with no problems and we are all healthy. I just keep losing my perception of the good things. Focusing to much on the bad stuff.