Vacation!!!!

Today is my first day of vacation for work!!  I am so excited!!  I have worked the last 7 out of 8 days.  Getting up at 3am to get ready for work.  Ya.  Today I got to sleep in until 545.  It was so nice not to be waken up by that annoying honking sound of the alarm. 

I have decided to stay a couple of extra days in LA.  Sunday night I am going to have dinner with my first ED IM and her twins.  I am super excited.  I have never met the kids in person.  She sends me pictures all the time and keeps me updated on whats going on in their lives.  Which I think is awesome!!!  Usually EDs are done anon.  But, I wanted to stay in touch.  My IM agreed, and she has been awesome about it.  I never have to wonder about what is happening with them.  So, that is going to be super cool.  Then I get to see Mr Christopher.  Can't wait.  I just love him.  His little voice is so cute!!  I talked to him on the phone a couple of days ago.
Told Alex that maybe we can go to Hollywood on Monday.  She has been wanting to go back for awhile now.  So, she is super excited!!
Now, I just have to figure out what hotel I am going to stay at when I get back in LA.  Its kind of been up in the air about what I am going to do.  LOL  Nothing like waiting until the last minute. 

Happy Days!!!!

xoxoxox
Love to all!

Taboo......Pregnancy and morals

Pregnancy stuff first.  Feeling good.  I think my MS issue the other day had to do with my vitamins.  I felt cruddy all day.  But, have felt good the last couple.  Just tired.  I went and bought some Preggy pops last night.

Also, I have been testing every few days still with HPTs.  I bought a gazillion IC when we started cycling.  (IC=Internet Cheapies, HPTs)  So, I finally broke the test.  LOL  That is when your test line is darker than your control line.  Here is a reference on how bad these tests are.  The first test was taken the same day my 15dpt FREDS were taken, that were posted earlier.  You saw how dark the FREDS were, and how light this one was.

So, yesterday I had a long conversation with Christophers Mom.  I get to see them in a week and a half!!  Very excited!!  Anyways, we were talking about the difference in my relationships with both TS IPs.  And, how I had a harder time with Christopher.  Today on my way to work, I was thinking more about it.   I think some of the difficulty stems from compensation.  I did my first TS for free.  It cost me to do that pregnancy.  Then I had compensation with Christopher.  Afterwards I had this feeling of guilt.  That I sold my child.  Yes, I know this is a super taboo subject.  But, thats what I am here for.  :)  So, I know I look at TS differently than some other surrogates.  Thats fine.  You can debate all you want about how this child was meant for other people, blah, blah, blah.  but, to Me, the bottom line comes down to this.  I took money to give away my biological child.  That really just makes me sad.    As much as I love surrogacy, I still feel this way.  I did nice things for myself though with that money.  I paid bills, and I bought myself a beautiful limited edition motorcycle.  Yes, I am taking compensation for this current surrogacy.  I will probably deal with the thoughts of guilt again.  I will try and do things for my family that we couldn't otherwise do.  Pay off a couple of bills, take the family to Paris, and hopefully get my husband started in a new business.  Or buy a piece of property.   

So, it really is a double edged sword.    The wonderful feelings of happiness in seeing a family devolop and sense of guilt. 

going good!

So the nurse at the Drs office is driving me bonkers!  LOL   When I call her for my #s, she always says, "around" "about", etc...  So, when I called for my #s yesterday, I got they are 39something.  At least we know they doubled.  LOL 

So far so good!!  He wanted me to come in for a US next week.  But, I will be in Mexico.  Then when I get back, its only another week until my Reg OB appt.  So, we will just wait until then. 

IFs are super excited.  I sent them my HPTs.  I will have to have W take a picture of it and post it up.  :)

I have 2 more days of work.  Then get my stuff together on Monday, and we leave Tuesday for Dland.  Then Mexico Wed-Sun.  My youngest Christopher and his family are suppose to be in LA Monday.  I am almost thinking of just staying in LA sunday night and monday night, and coming home on Tuesday sometime.  That way I am not driving all the way home and turning around and driving all the way back.  Then I would just take Monday off and not Wed. Hopefully there is not a lot going on those days.  I will need a hotel at the last minute. 

Either way, I can't wait.  I so need a vacation!! 

blah

Mixture of feelings today.  I had a beta test done monday.  It came back at 1951!!  Awesome!!  We are doubling right on time.  I have another blood draw today.  It will be our last one.  (hopefully)  Then on to our ultra sound on the 13th.  :)

Woke up today feeling crappy.  Morning sickness has come to my house.  Which on one hand is great!!  I know the pregnancy is going well.  But, on the other hand, I forgot that cruddy feeling.  Will head to the mall hopefully tomorrow and get some preggy pops.  Those helped last time.  Try something a little less potent before I break out the big meds.  LOL

Other than that, we are doing well.  Getting ready to head to Disneyland and then Mexico.  We ALL need a vacation pretty bad. 

xoxoxo

Grrrrr

Surrogacy/Pregnancy is going well so far.  My actual 2nd beta was 311, not 300.  Even better.  I saw Dr C yesterday.  I have my last dose of crinone tonight, and then I am just to stay on the prometrium.  I also have another beta on mon and wed.  No morning sickness yet.  Just tired, and my boobs hurt like there is no tomorrow.  Ouch!!  I know that is in thanks to the crinone and prometrium.  Dang. 

My rant for today.  When did it become acceptable for a man to help create a family, walk away and start another family.  Not to have anything to do with the first family?  Are these men wimps?  With overbearing wives?  I don't know.  I am now dealing with this from my father and grand father.  I have now cut ties with my grandfather and his family.  He has 3 other daughters, 4 grandchildren, and 5 great grandchildren, and 1 great-great.  No pictures up on his walls of any of this other side of his family.  But, he sure has pictures up of his current grandchildren.  My Aunt, with whom I helped during her delivery, had her daughters bday party this week.  No invite.  I am so done. 
I have not walked away from any of these children I helped create for surrogacy or egg donation.  Why is acceptable this way?

Deep Breath.......

Thursday....Thursday....Thursday.....(in my best race car anouncer voice)

So, today was the day for results.  To make sure we are going in the right direction.    I called and got the results today.  I was nervous to call.  But my number came back at ....................300!!
So, we are good.  It doubled!!  I have a appt with Dr C tomorrow to see what we are doing about my progesterone.  Tomorrow is the last day of my crinone that I have.  So, we need to figure it out.  I am nervous he will want to go off of it.  I am still on the prometrium pills.  Which no complaining really if he wants me to just be on the pills.  Because, the Crinone is a downer.  LOL    But, on the other hand, I don't want to jeopardize the pregnancy at all.  

Found out today that my IF, W, will be here for our first Dr appt.  Where we will have a US to see the heartbeat.  Very exciting!!  I always see C.  :P  Love you guys!!

So, all is well here!!  Of course, will be nervously hanging out until the US.  Less than a month away!  :)

Beta

So, I got my beta #s back from yesterday.......148!  Yay!  Thats a great #.  Millie, can you remember what our first # was with Christopher?  I tried looking back but can't find it.
My first # with the pregnancy I lost in Dec was 105.  So, hopefully this is a good sign.

148=I love forever.  :)

I didn't get a chance to talk much about mothers day.   We ended up not going to Karlies Bday party.  Alex has 2 rabbits.  They are pets, not just rabbits.  :)  Well, our female finally started going down hill.  She got sick 2 months ago, and I was going to have her put down.  Vet said she was doing ok, just to enjoy the time we had left with her.  Well, Saturday she wasn't doing well.  I made a appt that morning, and Gregg said just to wait and see what happens.  So, we made a family decision to wait.  Well, the she went down hill fast.  I stayed up all Saturday night with her.  Just holding her, petting her, and talking to her.  Telling her that it was ok to go, we would be ok.  It was such a hard night.  She started having seizures towards the end.  I freaked out and was crying pretty good.  About 4 am I got a text from my IF wishing me a happy mothers day.  It also had a wish for peace.  I read it and it made me realize I was wishing for the wrong thing.  So, I started wishing for Peace for Oreo.  That she cross over peacefully.  She finally passed at 5am.  Just a hour after getting the text msg.   We are animal lovers.  Many people are like, "Its just a rabbit."    She was part of our family.   So, that started the day off rough.

I had 2 wonderful msgs from Christopher and Karlie.  Both wishing me a Happy Mothers day in their sweet little voices.  Then I got a card from Percy (GS baby).  It made me laugh so hard.  She wrote "Thank you for giving birth to me.  I really appreciate it."  LOL  Best card ever.  The little realistic hippie that she is.  She will be 10 this year.  Wow!

I have another beta blood draw tomorrow.  Will update those #s on Thursday.  This is the big one.  To make sure that its doubling.  :)

Here we are 15 days post trigger.....

I think I tortured my poor IFs too much today.  LOL  They decided to do a HPT and a blood draw today.  They didn't know if they wanted to do the HPT, after last months fiasco.  So, I already knew it was + because there is no way I couldn't test.  I just didn't want them to stress so I just kept to myself.  So, I took some fresh tests and emailed them to them.  They were waiting for the email to come through.  I didn't figure it would take that long.  So, I texted them to look at the pictures and let me know.  That I was sorry.  Muahahah (evil laugh here)  Figuring they would be opening the pictures right at the same time.  Well, it took some time for the email to go through.  Poor guys.  Anyways, they opened them and were super happy, yet cautious.  I could hear it in their voices.
So, today I will go for my 1st hcg blood draw.  Follow up with another on Wed, then I have a appt with Dr C on Friday.  I hope they don't expect me to wait until Fri for my test results.  LOL  THAT is NOT going to work.  :)

So, here they are in all their glory.  LOL

:)

Today is a happy day!  Going to Karlies Bday party.  She is my first TS baby.  She was born on Mothers Day 5 years ago tomorrow.  :)
I talked to her on the phone a couple days ago.  She was so excited about her Jasmine party.  Although her mom told me this is the first she has heard about a Jasmine party.  LOL 

Got a sweet mothers day card from my IFs.  Super Sweet!

Picked up another box of Crinone gel today.  Only 6 doses per box.  This stuff is getting expensive.  :(

Went to see the Avengers last night.  Great movie!  Looks like tomorrow we are going to the movies again.  To see the new Tim Burton movie with Johnny Depp.  I totally blanked on the name.  LOL

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend.  Love to all!!!
xoxox

My Crinone gel is done on Sunday.  It takes my pharmacy a couple of days to get it in.  So, I called the Drs office yesterday to get another precription called in.  I will go pick it up if we see double.  I have a busy weekend planned.  Thank goodness!!!  Work slowed down this week.  Which is nice, but then it gives me lots of time to think.  LOL  Not good!

Testing Sunday maybe Monday.  Depends on how I feel.  If my test comes back + I will go in for a beta on monday.  Crossing my fingers!!

Progesterone came back at 36.4.  So that is a very good sign.  Hopefully next week we see a + hpt.  I am not testing until Monday morning.  If I get a + HPT, I will go in for a beta draw.  If no +, then its a sad day.


cross your fingers!!!
xoxox

Negative Nelly

So, I think I have kind of resorted to being a negative nelly to not get my hopes up about anything.  I did my progesterone draw today.  Will have the results tomorrow. 
Thats all I got right now.  :)  Will update with #s tomorrow.

xoxox

So, I found this quote tonight while sitting here at work.  And, it makes me want to cry.  Seriously.  LOL 
I have tried to step back from this cycle and just not think about it.  Hoping the time goes by fast.  :)

I don't think people realize what kind of pressure surrogates put themselves under.  This is not like trying to get pregnant for yourself.  This is trying to get pregnant for so many people.  Your IPs, their friends and family.  If you do not end up pregnant, you feel like you let everyone down.  I don't know of one surro that has never felt the guilt from a negative cycle. 

I have a lot riding on this cycle.  I asked my IF if they wanted to continue or if this was it, and he said they didn't know.  They would have to discuss it.  :(

No matter what happens though, it will be ok.  :)

Round 2 today

 I ended up triggering at 2pm on Sunday.  I did the shot myself.  Wasn't  to bad.  The needle they gave me was small.  Way easier to use than the big syringes for IVF.  I didn't even bruise myself.  LOL 

Went in for my IUI yesterday.  The Dr was super excited about everything.  He said my 2 follicles looked amazing.  And, since I had one on both sides it was better than having them on the same side, like last month.   Did the IUI with no problems.  C's # were great as usual.  His prewash was 124 million.  They didn't list the post wash #s.  But, motility was 90% pre and 75% post.  So, hopefully he brings his super swimmers again today.  :)

I am pretty mellow about this go around.  I am not trying to find luck in every corner.  I think I have just gotten to the point that if its going to work, it will work.  No matter how many pennies I wish on, shooting stars I catch, dandelions I blow.  What will be, will be. 

I start the Crinone and prometrium tomorrow.  Kind of nervous about that.  Well, that and I have heard bad stories about how messy the Crinone is.  But, if this works, then I don't care.  Just handle it.