Thursday, December 29, 2011

In hell.

I went and did blood work yesterday. They wanted to see if my hcg levels were going down. If they were dropping on their own, I would be able to just let the MC happen naturally. If not, I am looking at a D&C.
So, I called to get the info today. My levels actually went up to 1130. So, I have a appt on Tuesday to see whats going on. We will probably schedule the D&C at that time.

My IPs are having a hard time with this. Understandably so. But, my poor IF is hanging on to all the hope possible. I think my IM has come to terms.

On a more positive note. I heard from all 4 of my previous IMs today. Each one has sent a msg, or called just to give some support and tell me how sorry they are. I love those women.

I am leaving for Mexico when I get off work Friday morning. It will be a much needed break. The weather is suppose to be about 77 there. I can't wait.

Love to all.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011


Well, Xmas night I couldn't take it anymore. I left about 8pm and headed to the hospital. So, I get there walk up to the counter and within 10 minutes I am being taken back to a bed. I was pretty suprised to be taken back so soon. And, of course, glad.
So, I get situated, they come in and take blood for a HCG level, and get a IV ready to start. The nurse tells me I need to drink this huge cup of water for the US. No problem. I start drinking as fast as I can. Last time I went to the ER for a US, the nurse put the catheter in and then filled my bladder up his self. Ya, not a good thing to do. So, drink a bunch of water? Much better.

So, the US Tech comes in. I am bouncing on the bed because my bladder is filled to the brim. He first does a stomach US. I can see the screen at this point. I can see the baby at certain points, but I am still so early that a stomach US is to hard to see anything. So, he tells me he has to do a vaginal US. Which I expected, no big deal. Well, he turns the screen away so I can't see it. I had a friend there with me. When the US tech was done, I turned to her and asked if she could see a heartbeat. She told me he was going so fast that she couldn't tell for sure. And, of course, no one will tell you anything until the Dr comes in. When the nurse came by, I asked him if my blood results were back yet. I had a blood test at 14dpo and it was 105. Your #s are suppose to double every 24-48 hours. So, this is now 3 wks later. He comes back with the # and its only 917. HUH?? I knew right then, that no matter what the US showed, this was not good.

The Dr finally comes back in and said the US showed the baby to be 4wks 6 days. We were 6 wks 6 days. I know what this means. Not a good pregnancy. Miscarriage. Etc.. He tried to sugar coat it. When the nurse came back he was knew that I knew what was happening. He was pretty straight forward. I was then released to go back home.

I was finally able to get ahold of my IPs yesterday. Not a phone call I wanted to make. My IF is still holding on to hope that this is a viable pregnancy. I told my IM, that its not. This go is done. I went and had blood work done today to see what is happening with my #s. So, tomorrow I will know what lies ahead for this pregnancy. If I have to have a D&C or naturally miscarry. If I go the D&C route, this will be done, no more waiting or wondering. This naturally thing is hard on the soul. Seeing bits and pieces and wondering what the hell that is, if anything, is disturbing on so many levels. This really is a eye opener for what so many IMs have gone through.

I really have taken my fertility for granted. Living in my own little bubble. But, today is a rough day. My fuse is short. I am all sorts of emotional. Just a whirlwind of emotions.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Xmas 2011

Well, its Xmas day here. All our presents are now open. I got a new laptop from my husband. I love it. I have been using a dinosaur laptop. This one has all the bells and whistles. :)

I am currently 6 wks 6 days pregnant as a TS. (Traditional surrogate) This is my 4th surrogacy. I was a GS in 02, then delivered as a TS in 07 and 08. I also did a few ED in the middle of that which resulted in a set of twins. Everything is open with each family. I love each one of them. I am currently working with a couple from Australia.

This pregnancy so far has been pretty mild. I haven't had any morning sickness at all. But, wokeup yesterday morning spotting. Not good. Trying not to freak out. Wasn't to bad yesterday. Just kept busy trying to keep my mind off things. Spotting seemed to stop last night. Today, its back. Along with some pretty good cramping. I am trying to remain calm, but not having such good luck with that. Since everything has been closed the last 2 days, I will head to the hospital first thing in the morning. See if they will do a ultra sound and see whats going on. At least I will know what is going on. I don't want to call my IPs and ruin their Xmas. This has been such a blessing for them. We were all riding pretty high. This just breaks my heart. I pray that everything is ok. Tears sprang up a bit ago, need to hold it together until after dinner is done, and everyone is gone.