Sunday, March 18, 2012

My Child..Your Child.. Our Child?

Traditional surrogacy is not for the faint of heart. There are so many emotional ties that sometimes it becomes hard to figure out what is the best path to take. Some surrogates don't see traditional surrogacy any differently than gestational surrogacy. I am not one of those surrogates. TS is my genetic child. I look at my GS babe and don't see my own child. I look at the TS/ED babies and see my traits. I see my daughters eyes, my nose, etc.. That is something you can't deny, no matter how pretty you package it. Is it a coping defense to think of it that way? To try and ease the pain? I love these children. All of them. I do not want to parent them. But, I am protective of them. I want happy, healthy lives for them.

I have always been very open and honest with Alex (my daughter) about these babies. My theory is if everything is open now, there is no room for anything to bite you in the butt later on. KWIM? I have seen/heard of many IPs lying to their children, well into ages where they would understand the terminology, about the biological connection. One of my pre-reqs before working with any IP is that things are to remain open. Alex refers to them as sister/brother. She is a only child at home. I tell her she has the best of both worlds. Only child at home, yet has sisters/brother she gets to visit. :)

We are now getting to a point where these babies are not babies anymore. They understand so many things now. It seemed like it was ok to let Alex refer to them as siblings at the beginning, but now maybe not so much. Of course, you can see the reasoning behind it. The children are still young enough not to understand the big picture. But, by knowing they have a sister whom doesn't live with them, it creates many more questions. But, by shutting the door to this, it hurts my own daughter. I have tried to keep her shielded from being hurt. But, I think one of the issues of being honest with her is that she is susceptible to being hurt.

Is this a issue with working with IMs? With 2 IFs there will always be the question of "who is my mom"? Obviously 2 men can't procreate by themselves. So, does working with men stop that pain from happening?

I don't know. I am rambling tonight. This clomid is making me all moody, emotional, crazy.. you name it, I am probably going through it. I would think I was pregnant if I was later in the cycle. LOL

1 comment:

Heather said...

I agree with you about the way you look at TS.

Especially this: "I do not want to parent them. But, I am protective of them. I want happy, healthy lives for them".

Why does something so wonderful also create so much pain? The children didn't ask for this. Just let them be kids.

Thank you for sharing.