Monday, July 16, 2012


So, I was only 16 yrs old when I was pregnant with my oldest.  I delivered her 12 days before my 17th bday.  When I was pregnant, so many people were against the pregnancy.  My mom, Cats bio dad, friends, etc...  I was told I would either place the baby for adoption, or leave the house and go on welfare.  I was only 16.  So, I choose adoption.  It was a semi-open adoption up until 4 1/2 yrs ago.  We met face to face.  I had just delivered my 2nd TS baby. 

I have always been very open about these babies to everyone.  Genetic link, etc..  No holding back.  Thats the way I like it.  If you try and hide stuff, it always turns up later.  If you are just open from the beginning, its out there, no worries coming at you later on.   I have talked about my Mom before.  She is totally against surrogacy.  Hates it.  Wants no part of it.  She tells me I am giving away her grandchildren.  I have told her she can be apart of thier lives.  My PIPs have nothing to hide or worry about.  But, nope, my mom says it would be too hard.  Ok, no problem.  Thats her stuff.  I walked away from that guilt trip awhile ago.    Although this pregnancy she is being great!  Usually I avoid her when I get pregnant.  This time we have trying to spend time together.  No smart ass remarks from her.  Its been sooooo nice.  I don't need her support, I just need her to not be a pain in my ass.  LOL

Sooo,  my oldest daughter, Cat, had her 1st child in Feb.  I blogged about it.  It was a painfully emotional experience for me.  Since she had the baby, she has really backed away from me.   I figured it was a, "Iam going to prove you wrong and raise my baby.  Since you didn't raise me." thing.   Her contact has gotten smaller and smaller.  Well, last week she went up the hill to see her bio dad.  Show the baby off.  Drove right by my house.  I mean within a mile.  Didn't say anything.  I told her I wish I would of known she was in town, I would of loved to see her.  She told me she was tired, it was a long drive home, etc..  No problem.  I invited her to a bday party this coming weekend.  No reply.  I texted her last night asking how her schedule looked this week.  No reply.  Texted her again this morning asking about the next couple of days.  No reply. 

Finally this afternoon she texted me back that she was sorry for not responding to any of my texts or msgs.  But, that she couldn't talk to me.  That she was really uncomfortable with this pregnancy.  (mine)  And, other things, but that she didn't want to talk to me.

What????  After I stood by you, when your parents and friends turned their backs?  Who was there when you got married and no one showed?  Me?  Who was still there for you, when you were shooting up?  Me.

This girl who no one was happy to have come into this world, is now acting the same to this new baby.  I am so pissed, I can't see straight. 

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