Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The other mother, and life

So, last nights dreams were terrible.  Pregnancy dreams are so vivid.  So real.  I haven't had any ice cream for awhile and decided to have some last night before bed.  Even when not pregnant,  sugar before bed gives me crazy dreams.  And, add some pregnancy into it, and Whew! a entire different level. 
My baby starts 7th grade today.  I am super sad.  Where has the time gone?

On my other thoughts.  There is a IM on one of the boards who is writing a book on the difference of adoption and surrogacy.  Both of which I am experienced.  I don't want to say I have been avoiding answering the questions, but I wanted to be able to spend the time answering them from my heart and not just my head.  So, last night I finally spent some time emailing her back.  I don't know if any of my answers made sense to her.  LOL  It was pretty jumbled thoughts, much like my blog.  :)

But, it really made me realize something.  My experience with my last TS IM was wonderful.  I have found there is this grey area of unresolved feelings that many TS IMs have.  Not to say its bad.  But, they have generally been through hell.  I have seen different levels of resentment for having to ask another woman to carry their child, and use their eggs.    Even in the best of circumstances, I think there will always be a few small feelings of sadness.  Which is totally normal. 

My last TS IM and I have a extremely open relationship.  We have always talked about things that were not the "norm" for a TS relationship.  She was already a mom to 4, so she got it.  She knew the feelings associated with pregnancy and post partum delivery.   It was great to be able to be completely honest with her, and not worry about her freaking out that I was going to keep the baby.   She is C's mom.  First and foremost.  That has never been a question.  But, she has allowed me to feel like his birthmom.   We shared everything that pregnancy.  She was even in the room with me for the IUI.  We shared the delivery.  And, she has allowed me to continue to share in his life as he grows.  This is incredibly special.  And, really is not the "norm."  But, when have we ever done anything that was normal?  LOL

It is very heart warming to think about.  I only hope that all TS arrangements could be as open if wanted. 


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