Doula

So, I have talked to a friend whom is a doula about helping me with this labor.  She is very resonable so that is good.  I told my IFs that I would pay for it since it was not something that was talked about in the beginning.  I am actually pretty excited.  I have never labored with a doula before.  I usually have my BFF with me through labor.  But, she is going through some major life changing situations and is not reliable for me right now.  So, I am wanting to make sure this is handled.  Should be interesting.

Doing good.  Almost 19 weeks.  Can't believe it.  Alls well.  :)

xoxox

Life goes on..

I go on vacation in less than 2 weeks.  You don't even know how much I need it.  Counting days , I am. 

Had my OB appt yesterday.  Baby looks good.  Still a boy.  Weight good, blood pressure good.  AFP results came back with no issues.  Dr P was making me laugh.  Told him I need a script for some EMLA cream.  For my , erm.. waxing that is next week.  LOL  He said he has never been asked for that for waxing.  Told him, I didn't know, that I had been told it helped.   He said no problem.  But, as I was walking out the door and down the hall.  He yelled it better be in tip top shape for my next appt.  LOL  Killing me.  My IFs didn't make it to the appt.  They have a lot of stuff going on right now.  But, its probably good because once I finally got in the room, it went rather quickly.  He was really behind with a delivery.  So, he didn't have a ton of time.  But, I got all my questions answered.  So, I am good to go on my trip with my plans. 

As I was in the waiting room, I had some guy start talking to me about a weight loss product.  That is now the 3rd random person who has come up to me this pregnancy with some weight loss something or other.  One reason I love being pregnant is that I do not worry about my weight.  If I gain, I don't stress over it.  I figure I am pregnant.  I can lose it afterwards.  I don't feel fat.  I know I am over weight, but I am fine with it.  Well, I guess I live in a dream world.  The first lady, I just laughed it off.  The 2nd lady, I thought it was strange.  Now, with this guy, it hurt a bit.  I had a pity party for myself last night.   Gregg thinks I am crazy.  But, to have 3 random people whom I have never met before.  Well, lets just say the ego took a little hit yesterday.  Also, I just find it incredibly rude.  I would never suggest some kind of weight loss whatever to anyone.   Thats like asking someone if they are pregnant.  You never ask, unless the baby is crowning.  :)

Breast milk, movement, trips..

Can't believe we are almost 1/2 way now.  Crazy.  Seems like we were just trying last week.  I am starting to see more and more EDD of March.  I think holy cow thats along way away.  LOL 

Baby doing good.  I have my OB appt this coming Monday.  Should be a quick appt.  I have a bunch of questions for my OB about my upcoming trip so it will be good.
I started feeling this baby boy moving within the last couple days.  I swear he was doing jumping jacks.  I am a pretty mellow person, so I refuse the blame for this kid being wired for sound.  LOL
My IFs have picked out a really nice name.  But, are keeping it under wraps until another appt.  Just to be on the safe side.  LOL  

I have brought up breast milk with my IFs but they don't seem to really be interested  in it.  So, I will be donating it to a local milk bank, or if I find a new born  in need around that time.  Started looking into donation yesterday.  Saw a guy that wanted a wet nurse, sent him a msg.  Uhm, no wrong site buddy.  LOL  He wanted one for HIMSELF!  LOL  I am so not willing to help him out.  ;)

My trip is coming up fast.  I am starting to get super excited.  I have lots of plans on things I want to do.  I booked our Luau for the night we get there.  I figure we will be kind of worn out from the flight, so something local and mellow will be good.  Then I have been in talks with a lady for swimming with the dolphins.  Dolphins have a facination with pregnant women, and tend to give them lots of attention.  The lady I found, has taken pregnant women out before, so I am trying to plan a day to get a time with her.  I can't wait!  Then Alex is going to take surf lessons.  I wish I could too.  Will have to do it again when I am not pregnant.  Then I am trying to plan something on the day we leave since that is Alexs' bday.   They have a sea horse farm that I really want to go to.  That might be something she enjoys.  Our plane doesn't go until 3pm that afternoon, so we will have lots of time. 

The last couple of days, I have been feeling better.  I have really had to change my diet.  Lots of fruits and veggies.  I need to slow down on eating out.  I have just felt like crap.  I felt really good all day yesterday.  Even only sleeping a couple of hours before heading to work.  Got home, saw some hot tomales (candy), and  had a couple.  (I love hot tomales)  Ruined the rest of my night.  I felt so crappy.  So, I told Gregg to take them to work so I wasnt tempted.  LOL

Hope everyone is doing well!!
xoxox

The other mother, and life

So, last nights dreams were terrible.  Pregnancy dreams are so vivid.  So real.  I haven't had any ice cream for awhile and decided to have some last night before bed.  Even when not pregnant,  sugar before bed gives me crazy dreams.  And, add some pregnancy into it, and Whew! a entire different level. 
My baby starts 7th grade today.  I am super sad.  Where has the time gone?

On my other thoughts.  There is a IM on one of the boards who is writing a book on the difference of adoption and surrogacy.  Both of which I am experienced.  I don't want to say I have been avoiding answering the questions, but I wanted to be able to spend the time answering them from my heart and not just my head.  So, last night I finally spent some time emailing her back.  I don't know if any of my answers made sense to her.  LOL  It was pretty jumbled thoughts, much like my blog.  :)

But, it really made me realize something.  My experience with my last TS IM was wonderful.  I have found there is this grey area of unresolved feelings that many TS IMs have.  Not to say its bad.  But, they have generally been through hell.  I have seen different levels of resentment for having to ask another woman to carry their child, and use their eggs.    Even in the best of circumstances, I think there will always be a few small feelings of sadness.  Which is totally normal. 

My last TS IM and I have a extremely open relationship.  We have always talked about things that were not the "norm" for a TS relationship.  She was already a mom to 4, so she got it.  She knew the feelings associated with pregnancy and post partum delivery.   It was great to be able to be completely honest with her, and not worry about her freaking out that I was going to keep the baby.   She is C's mom.  First and foremost.  That has never been a question.  But, she has allowed me to feel like his birthmom.   We shared everything that pregnancy.  She was even in the room with me for the IUI.  We shared the delivery.  And, she has allowed me to continue to share in his life as he grows.  This is incredibly special.  And, really is not the "norm."  But, when have we ever done anything that was normal?  LOL

It is very heart warming to think about.  I only hope that all TS arrangements could be as open if wanted. 

xoxox

Its a .............

My IF, C, was here this past friday.  We had a great appt.  Our appt was with my reg OB, not the CNM.  He is a pro at US'.  LOL  He started the US, and you can see the baby moving all over the place.  Squirming around.  Little fingers, toes, arms, legs.......  C was suppose to be recording the US on his phone for W, who was at home.  So, my OB and C were in a conversation about military and Fire depts.  LOL  I kept saying, "hey, aren't you suppose to be recording?"  I am sure you can here me nagging on him throughout the video.  I figure if we didn't get a good video, W, would be pissed.  LOL 

But, baby looks great!  Was actually measuring a few days ahead.  Which is good.  Spine looks great!!  All is well.  Dr P has a great track record with seeing gender early.  And, baby was all to happy to show it off.  :)  So, he moved the wand over and I swore I saw girl parts.  I am very good with girl parts.  Since I have had 4.  LOL  He moved it a bit more, and I said, Ok, maybe I am wrong.  LOL  After the US was done, Dr P was typing the info into his laptop.  We already had a plan, that if he could tell, he wasn't to say anything.  That I would write it down on a piece of paper and give it to the guys to open at the same time.  :)

So, I walked over to Dr P, and saw MALE on his screen.  I pointed at it, and said, Really?  And, he said, yep!  So, here I am again.  IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!  The guys couldn't be more excited!!!!

Still fighting the nausea.  Which I would of swore I was carrying a girl.   But, nope, this little boy will be a handful when he gets here.  LOL

Crazy dreams kind of peetered off for a while.  But, are now back.  Dang the last 2 nights and brought some really STRANGE dreams.  LOL  Ones where you wake up and wonder, WTH?

xoxox

Ironic?

So, I was only 16 yrs old when I was pregnant with my oldest.  I delivered her 12 days before my 17th bday.  When I was pregnant, so many people were against the pregnancy.  My mom, Cats bio dad, friends, etc...  I was told I would either place the baby for adoption, or leave the house and go on welfare.  I was only 16.  So, I choose adoption.  It was a semi-open adoption up until 4 1/2 yrs ago.  We met face to face.  I had just delivered my 2nd TS baby. 

I have always been very open about these babies to everyone.  Genetic link, etc..  No holding back.  Thats the way I like it.  If you try and hide stuff, it always turns up later.  If you are just open from the beginning, its out there, no worries coming at you later on.   I have talked about my Mom before.  She is totally against surrogacy.  Hates it.  Wants no part of it.  She tells me I am giving away her grandchildren.  I have told her she can be apart of thier lives.  My PIPs have nothing to hide or worry about.  But, nope, my mom says it would be too hard.  Ok, no problem.  Thats her stuff.  I walked away from that guilt trip awhile ago.    Although this pregnancy she is being great!  Usually I avoid her when I get pregnant.  This time we have trying to spend time together.  No smart ass remarks from her.  Its been sooooo nice.  I don't need her support, I just need her to not be a pain in my ass.  LOL

Sooo,  my oldest daughter, Cat, had her 1st child in Feb.  I blogged about it.  It was a painfully emotional experience for me.  Since she had the baby, she has really backed away from me.   I figured it was a, "Iam going to prove you wrong and raise my baby.  Since you didn't raise me." thing.   Her contact has gotten smaller and smaller.  Well, last week she went up the hill to see her bio dad.  Show the baby off.  Drove right by my house.  I mean within a mile.  Didn't say anything.  I told her I wish I would of known she was in town, I would of loved to see her.  She told me she was tired, it was a long drive home, etc..  No problem.  I invited her to a bday party this coming weekend.  No reply.  I texted her last night asking how her schedule looked this week.  No reply.  Texted her again this morning asking about the next couple of days.  No reply. 

Finally this afternoon she texted me back that she was sorry for not responding to any of my texts or msgs.  But, that she couldn't talk to me.  That she was really uncomfortable with this pregnancy.  (mine)  And, other things, but that she didn't want to talk to me.

What????  After I stood by you, when your parents and friends turned their backs?  Who was there when you got married and no one showed?  Me?  Who was still there for you, when you were shooting up?  Me.

This girl who no one was happy to have come into this world, is now acting the same to this new baby.  I am so pissed, I can't see straight. 

Being the "other" surrogate?

So, this post may sound kind of strange.  LOL  I know, nothing new.  I have been in the surrogacy world for 10 years now.  A little over 10 years, as my 1st GS baby will be 10 this Oct. 
I have talked to MANY IPs.  MANY.  Some I loved, some were deleted right away.  LOL
I have had the opportunity to work with a handful of amazing IPs. 

But, what happens to the previous surrogate when the IPs start working with another surro?  Its kind of a weird feeling.  Its almost as if you are the X girlfriend of some guy, and now he has a new girlfriend.  No longer do you have that chatty connection.  Which is what I think is the hardest, no matter what kind of relationship comes to a end.  It just seems to kind of go Poof!  Gone!  I am happy these IPs have gone on to keep with their dreams.  I know I am not the only TS on the planet.  Although, my only child mentality sometimes lets me believe that.  HAHA!! 

I don't know what I am rambling about.  Just a weird set of feelings.  LOL  Hey, I am all sorts of pregnancy hormonal!!  LOL