Do your job!

So, I am in superstition overdrive right now. LOL I went and had a pedicure done yesterday. Had my nails painted green! Green in the color of luck for surrogacy. Then I started pineapple yesterday also. Pineapple and McD french fries are also suppose to help. Of course, there is no evidence of this being true, but I am putting everything into it. :)

I start progesterone supplements tonight. I was on progesterone for the GS surrogacy, but that was 10 years ago. I don't remember having any issues on it. So, hopefully it goes well. Will update tomorrow. :)

Here is a picture of my infamous 4 leaf clover. I am hoping it does its job. :) We did our 2nd IUI yesterday. I felt lots of cramping last night, so hopefully I released a beautiful little egg. Not more. :) We are finishing up today with a home insem. Just the icing on the cake so to speak. LOL

My IF, C, leaves today also. :( I didn't get to spend much time with him as I was working a lot. But, the time we had was good. Yesterday we had lunch and ran a few errands. Was fun just to chat.

Big hugs to my other IF, W. He is having some family issues right now. Miss you!!

Signs!?

This is for W. He will like it as much as I do. :)

So, I after last months mess, I started looking for some kind of good luck something for my IFs and myself. I really wanted some kind of 4 leaf clover. Key chain, something. I looked on ebay. It was right before St Pattys day so I figured I could find some kind of 4 leaf clover. Something not super cheesy like I had been seeing. I found a few shirts but they were pretty cheesy. I was going to make some key chains but that didn't pan out either. I wanted to do it and get them sent off a week ago. So, that C would have his before he got here. That didn't happen because I haven't been able to find what I wanted.

A few months ago I was part of the Secret Sister thing on SMO. You get paired up with another person and send gifts twice a month to them for 3 months. (maybe 4). It ended in Dec. My SS sent me a bunch of ovulation tests. They are the bulk kind you buy on the internet. I don't have good luck with them so I haven't used them much. But, with this cycle I have been using them a lot. Just to make sure I don't miss my surge.

So, fast fwd to today. I went into pull out a test and pulled out a white one. They are in these little packages with a baby on the front. Blue and pink. You get the idea. Well, this one was all white. Wrote on the outside of it, "Good luck!" With a 4 leaf clover! What???? MY 4 leaf clover. It is a pregnancy test. It was put right in the middle of all those OPKs. My jaw hit the floor. Here I have been looking for some kind of 4 leaf clover good luck thing. And, here is a HPT with a 4 leaf clover on it. Amazing!!

Tomorrow is THE day. Trigger and IUI. Wish us luck!! I have a ton of IC HPTs coming in the mail so I can test out the trigger. I hate IC, but its something to pee on! LOL They usually don't show + for me until the baby is crowning. :)

xoxo

Grow babies grow!

So, I had my follicle check today. Had many little ones. And, 2 good ones. They were measuring about a 16 today. (1.56 and a 1.59). We now have a appt on Wed morning for trigger, and IUI. Whoo hooo! This damn clomid is making everything wonky. My OPKs, my CM, everything. And, my boobs are HUGE!. LOL I am going to have to go bra shopping just for this cycle. Haha.

So, things are looking really really good! I can relax now. :)

Afterthoughts

Today I am headed to the city. SF. I love SF. Don't want to live there, but love to visit. I love the ocean. Someday when I retire, I will live in the vicinity of the ocean. I would love a ocean view, but unless the lottery officials come knocking on my door, thats not going to happen. LOL And, I don't even play the lotto, so I am really SOL on that one. :)

SF holds part of my heart. My oldest daughter lives there. And, my new granddaughter. Since, the baby shower, and the birth, its been awkward for me. I feel like a stranger now. I am trying to just let the relationship go whereever it may. But, its super hard for me. There is this big grey area. I don't want to overstep that comfort spot where we all are. None of this is apparent to anyone there. So, I am not making anyone feel uncomfortable. But, my mind is going a million miles a minute. LOL The joys of being a Virgo. :) I over analyze everything.

On the surrogacy front. I am on CD12. Woot! I will have to take a picture of my OPKs, so you can see what it looks like. My IF, W, reads my blog, so I have tried to make sure they both feel involved on what is happening. :)

Love to all!!
xoxox

And, may the odds be ever in your favor!

Happy Hunger games!!! Waiting on Alex to get home so we can head to the theater. I don't want to even attempt to go tonight. That will be a mad house.

We are officially 11dpo today. Now, we are in OPK testing mode. Lines are still light. So, no freaking out yet. My IF will be here Sunday! Can't wait! Haven't seen him in a month. LOL Will miss W though. He is a busy guy. :)
Have a great day! xoxo

Ever feel like you might as well be hitting the wall with your head instead of trying to talk some sense into someone? Ya? Me too. Haha

Done? NEVER!! Haha!

No clomid for me today! Woot!! Yesterday was my last pill. Thank god!! Meditation is in overdrive right now. Haha.

My trigger meds showed up yesterday. One thing I have learned by reading, researching, obsessing, going OCD, whatever you want to call it, is this. While starting to freak out yesterday, I learned that clomid raises the estrogen in your body, which in turn , makes your body start up with the cervical mucus. That is my key tell-tale sign. For those that don't really know the female body (*cough* W. LOL), you have a few different types of cervical mucus that happen before you get your surge. Different types equal different things. Well, after seeing egg-white CM yesterday (the fertile kind right at surge time). I was all kinds of crazy trying to make sure I wasn't already gearing up for ovulation. My IF is not due here until Sunday. I can already see that call. "You need to be HERE tomorrow!" STAT! But, after looking up many things, there is a reason they tell you to chill for 3 days after your last pill.

So, thats where we are. Chilling. LOL Friday I will start with the OPKs. It is earlier than I would normally start, but Drs orders. I would love to see a surge either Tues or Wed. That would help me a ton with work. Haha.

Views

After my last post, I thought I might clear up a few things.

As long as each person in a TS arrangement is having their needs met, then all is well. What I want to happen in my jouney is not what each TS wants. We each have our own desires. Just like IPs. What one IP finds acceptable might not be to another. Thats why matches fall through all the time. Its trying to find that other half that you are comfortable with. That you can make this work with. Surrogacy, TS or GS, is hard. There are many ups and downs for both sides. Like a relationship you have to have both sides working together. It can't be all give from one side. That won't work.


Damn good thing today was my last clomid pill. Haha. I might start getting lots of hate mail from my blogs. Haha. Just have to try not to bite anyones heads off. :)

My Child..Your Child.. Our Child?

Traditional surrogacy is not for the faint of heart. There are so many emotional ties that sometimes it becomes hard to figure out what is the best path to take. Some surrogates don't see traditional surrogacy any differently than gestational surrogacy. I am not one of those surrogates. TS is my genetic child. I look at my GS babe and don't see my own child. I look at the TS/ED babies and see my traits. I see my daughters eyes, my nose, etc.. That is something you can't deny, no matter how pretty you package it. Is it a coping defense to think of it that way? To try and ease the pain? I love these children. All of them. I do not want to parent them. But, I am protective of them. I want happy, healthy lives for them.

I have always been very open and honest with Alex (my daughter) about these babies. My theory is if everything is open now, there is no room for anything to bite you in the butt later on. KWIM? I have seen/heard of many IPs lying to their children, well into ages where they would understand the terminology, about the biological connection. One of my pre-reqs before working with any IP is that things are to remain open. Alex refers to them as sister/brother. She is a only child at home. I tell her she has the best of both worlds. Only child at home, yet has sisters/brother she gets to visit. :)

We are now getting to a point where these babies are not babies anymore. They understand so many things now. It seemed like it was ok to let Alex refer to them as siblings at the beginning, but now maybe not so much. Of course, you can see the reasoning behind it. The children are still young enough not to understand the big picture. But, by knowing they have a sister whom doesn't live with them, it creates many more questions. But, by shutting the door to this, it hurts my own daughter. I have tried to keep her shielded from being hurt. But, I think one of the issues of being honest with her is that she is susceptible to being hurt.

Is this a issue with working with IMs? With 2 IFs there will always be the question of "who is my mom"? Obviously 2 men can't procreate by themselves. So, does working with men stop that pain from happening?

I don't know. I am rambling tonight. This clomid is making me all moody, emotional, crazy.. you name it, I am probably going through it. I would think I was pregnant if I was later in the cycle. LOL

And, we are off....

I started clomid today. 1 pill down, 4 more to go! I am hoping this is it.

New cycle, new plan!

MEDS, MEDS, and more meds!

So, I saw Dr Clare today. We are doing just about the same protocol I used when I got pregnant with Christopher. We will do clomid on CD3-7. That is the only difference, as we did CD5-9 on that cycle. Do a trigger shot the day I get my first + on the OPKs, then do the IUIs the next 2 days. We will start progesterone supplements the 3rd day after I trigger. Wow!!
Today is CD1. So, hopefully this as goes as planned. LOL
The pharmacy called me about the trigger shot. Damn is that expensive!. They ran my insurance and the insurance co pay was actually more than just paying out of pocket for it. So, I just payed out of pocket.

A little nervous about all the meds. I hope they don't make me feel icky. I don't remember any problems the last time I was on them, but that was in 2008. Hopefully this does the trick. I had to cancel my plans to race in Nov. I was hoping this last cycle would of worked. I would of been due right before the race. So, I could of delivered and then headed down to Mexico. At least now, there is no stress. I will be here at home directing the guys from the comfort of my couch. LOL

xoxox

Hold your head up high!

I am back from Dland. What a great trip! It was just Alex and I. It was such a nice Mother/Daughter bonding trip. My IFs got us a room at a very nice hotel. And, the hotel staff treated us like rockstars! LOL We finally just got home. I am so tired though. Its time for a nap.

On the TS front, I don't have such good news. I called Friday and got my progesterone results. It came back at a 3. It has to be over a 10 for them to know that you ovulated. I had another one done in August and it came back at 13. Then I got pregnant in Nov. So, I know I am ovulating. This is a pretty normal occurence. Just no one really knows because you wouldn't know unless you had a blood draw or monitoring.

But, a 3? How do you even make that phone call? " I am sorry to inform you that my body sucks." LOL My IFs were so excited that this was happening. For me to let them know yesterday that I was the cause for this cycle to be a bust was hard. If we hadn't had the blood work, I would of just thought this cycle didn't work. But, to know that it was me, is rough. I had to put my happy face on for Alex. Being at Dland made it hard to sulk. But, trust me it was there when I got up this morning. I really just wanted to crawl under the couch and hide.

So, Tuesday I go back to see Dr C. He is such a awesome Dr. I really trust whatever he says. If he wants to do a medicated cycle, thats what we will do. If he just wants to just do a trigger shot. Whatever, I am game. This negative stuff sucks.

Love to all!
xoxo

10 dpo

I am headed out the door for Disneyland! But, I wanted to just send a quick msg. Tested this morning, or should I say night, as it was 3am. Never to early to test, right? Haha

Anyways, it was neg. I was prepared for it, but was still hoping for a +. Always hoping. But, I went back and looked at my last 2 + cycles and I didn't get my 1st + hpt until 11dpo. Which actually is 10 1/2 dpo for me. Which would be tomorrow.

I should get my progesterone blood work back today. Yay!!

Love to all!!

9 dpo

So, have I ever told you how inpatient I am? I hate waiting for anything. I think that comes from being a only child. LOL You know, the whole "world revolves around me" thing. LOL

Its officially 9dpo tonight. I am planning on testing tomorrow, but won't think bad thoughts if its neg. I will be 9 1/2 dpo in the morning. If by Sunday I am still get - tests, I will know it didn't happen. But, I am always the optimist. So, always think good thoughts but prepare for the worst. KWIM?

Greggs party went really well! We had so much food left over. I ate taco something until Tuesday. I finally told him, I was done. I love Mexican food, but I need a few days off. LOL Oh, and beer! I still have 2 kegs that are 1/2 way full. AND, 2 ice chests. All full of beer. I don't even drink! Haha!

Taking Alex to Disneyland in the morning. We are having rabbit drama here at home, so it will be a nice break for us both. Its just the 2 of us going. So, it will be a nice mother/daughter time.

Everybody think positive for the next couple of days. I will update when I get back.

3-5-12/2ww/6dpo......

So, today is 6dpo. I am starting to crack. Haha I haven't started testing yet, but its there, in the back of my mind...taunting me. HAHAHAHAHa If I started testing now, it would be a waste of tests. Its too early for anything to be showing. I am trying to hold out until Thursday. That is when I go for my progesterone test.

I wouldn't hold my breath by that though. LOL

3-4-12

IFs are safe and sound.

3-3-12

Keep my IFs in your thoughts. I talked to them yesterday morning, and texted them late last night. They were very close to all the tornados that hit yesterday. It looks like the tornados were a couple miles north of them. I haven't heard back from them with last nights text. I am sure they are ok, but still a bit worried.

Today is Greggs party. I am crazy to do this. LOL Never again. But, by this time tomorrow it will all be over. :)
I am setting up this morning and then will come home and nap for a bit. LOL Then back later on for the party.

I am 4dpo (days post ovulation). I have been kept busy with this party. Which is wonderful. I usually do ok for the first 5-6 days, and then the urge to test is overwhelming. Haha!
Stay strong Jess!! Haha

Love to all!! xoxo